Yesterday didn’t go as planned.
Today, I’m changing the plan, and I’m going to share some thoughts about the power of celebrating failure.
I like to think of myself as a dreamer. I always think I can be a better me. I always think we can live in a better world. Most importantly - I always think I can do anything I want to do, as long as I put my mind to it. I hope you do too, because I think that’s true for anyone.
Last November, I decided to really put my mind to the idea of pursuing a PhD in Urban Schooling at UCLA. Working at UCLA UniCamp has inspired me to work to change inequitable urban school settings for the better. The disparities when it comes to resources, quality of education, and access to opportunities (and more) between schools in Los Angeles based on income, racial diversity, and other factors are incredibly apparent and equally appalling.
I wanted to do something about it. So I decided to apply.
I studied like a maniac for the GRE. I received 3 amazing letters of recommendation from 3 amazing mentors. I revamped the shit out of my resumé to make it look as perfect as possible. I poured my heart into my personal statement. Then, on November 30th, a day before it was due, I turned in my application to pursue a PhD in Urban Schooling at UCLA. Boom.
Going into it - I knew it was a bit of a stretch. I have almost zero research experience. I have spent no time professionally or academically in the education sector (though I would argue UCLA UniCamp is very educational). I don’t have a Master’s degree. To top it all off - I’m only 24. Not many people are in PhD programs at my age, but I decided to go for it anyways.
I only applied to one school - UCLA - because I only had November to prepare, and didn’t want to spread myself too thin. I felt the Urban Schooling program aligned with my current passions and future goals. Last, but not least, it was UCLA. I love UCLA. If I got into UCLA, even if I applied to a million other programs, I would go to UCLA.
I thought it was a perfect fit.
Now, I’m a very forward thinker, which has made the past few months incredibly agonizing. I couldn’t even begin to map out the next “steps” of my life, because I didn’t know if this was going to be my next step or not. Realistically, my entire future has been hinged on this application. Despite taking pride in my mindfulness, and reminding myself daily that “there’s nothing you can do but wait”, navigating day to day operations were very difficult for me.
Yesterday, I received closure. I didn’t get in.
Rejection is a tough pill to swallow. It’s hard. It hurts. It sucks. It’s…just shitty.
However, today, I can honestly say I am nothing but grateful for going through this process.
Failure is a bitch, but I think we need to celebrate it more.
We all fail. No one gets EVERYTHING they want, even Kanye. He didn’t get a tweet back from Zuck about that billion dollar loan. But you know what? I respect the shit out of Kanye for that move - because he tried.
I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t try new things.
Right before graduating high school, my principal discouraged me from attending UCLA, saying I “would just be a blue dot in a sea of blue”. I didn’t buy it. I instantly responded saying, “You know, it’s UCLA, there are some yellow dots too.”
While at UCLA, I tried a lot of new things, and fortunately, I was successful in most of my attempts.
I tried Dance Marathon and it inspired me to not only participate for four years, but also organize my own in my hometown during one summer. I tried to run for USAC and spent two years growing and learning about the incredible work that happens at UCLA. I tried UCLA UniCamp and it moved me enough to stay with the organization post graduation.
What would have happened if I didn’t try any of these things? Where would I be?
It’s easy to remember the successes in our life, it’s also way more fun.
However, I want to use this moment positively. I want to take this opportunity that has been given to me and use it to celebrate failure. I want to remind myself that failure does not have to be a bad thing.
Yesterday, I failed. I didn’t get into the program I applied to this year. That being said, through this process, I can name countless successes.
I got a solid GRE score and won’t need to take it for another 5 years. I was forced to begin thinking about my future and what sort of impact I can make in the world. I exposed myself to levels of academia I had never even known existed, and more.
I could go on and on, but the point is none of those POSITIVES would have happened if I hadn’t applied in the first place.
When I think about it that way, it makes me think of failure not as an end, but as a beginning. I look forward to figuring out where I will go in life, and think that embracing failure as a natural part of the journey will serve as my protective shield whenever my confidence is low.
Here’s to moving forward. Here’s to staying optimistic. Here’s to trying new things.
Here’s to failing... over and over again.
“Don’t try to change the world, find something that you love
And do it every day.
Do that for the rest of your life
And eventually, the world will change.”